Monologue about depression
In the female drama monologue, MISPLACED, M explains the effects of what she experiences when she feels disconnected from life and herself.
M: I listen inside myself to the hum…this humming sound, between my ears, deep within my brain somewhere…when I listen to it, when I pay attention to it, everything goes into slow motion. My concentration intensifies and the humming gets worse; worse in the sense that, there’s a danger that starts bubbling up in the pit of my stomach and then a vibration echoes through me, through the rest of my body…I start to get mixed in my brain; panicky, worrisome; a tunnel I’m trapped inside of or a drowning kind of sensation but more like an emotional drowning, not so much physical…
It can last for hours and hours…one time it even lasted for days and even when I regained my sense of self, it took me time to feel like me again. I don’t know what you call this…maybe I’m losing my mind and it frightens me to be honest…I’ve never uttered a word to this before to anyone I know…thank you for hearing me out.
I wish I was scared of the dark. I mean most people are, but I always find comfort sitting in it. Get home, shower, lay in bed. Don’t turn the lights on. My daily routine. Sit in the dark and listen to music. A vampire. That’s what my mom calls me. It’s not that I don’t like the light, you just think differently in the dark. You find comfort in it like a big black blanket wrapped around you.
You just let go not knowing what could happen. Your mind travels to so many places and everything’s fine. Until you realize you’re alone. The feeling of loneliness hits you. You have no one to talk to. Everyone’s asleep. You’ve thought so much that the big black blanket is now suffocating you. So, tell me is the darkness safe or dangerous?.
sad monologues about depression
Shadows of the Past
I don’t want anything – and I don’t want to talk anymore – can I please be by myself? That’s all you’ve done here – poke, prop, and pry – I’ve never felt so violated before – I just want to be left alone.
I don’t like being around anyone. I get upset when I’m in a room full of people.
I get really scared – I almost feel like I can’t breathe – I just need to be alone, Doctor – I know you don’t really care – you’re simply doing your job – once I’m “better” you’ll be though with me – then it’s on to another patient – you’re just like anyone else –
You probably haven’t cared about any patient in years – that would be unprofessional – an unnecessary burden on your conscience – Please, just go – I know what I need better than you –
(Pause – she gets an evil smile)
How can I relax with you bothering me all the time? If there’s another way, I’d like to know how –
(Pause. Turns away)
Is there anything else you wish to pry out of me? No? Good – then goodnight –
But few people find the truth as fulfilling – If only you had planted something more useful – beans, or tomatoes, then the sacrifice might be worthwhile – but flowers, they’re more difficult to justify – Frail beauty – that’s all they are – cultivated for weakness – and has very little nutritional value – in the end they never can satisfy – always a disappointment as they wither and die – Frail and weak – a light frost would snap its neck –
(JANEY breaks the head off a flower)
(JANEY holds up broken bud to a weed)
The choice is so easy for most – Yet it’s not – I suppose most people don’t give it much thought –
(Looks up at sky)
I know a story of a man who had a plant which most called a useless weed – it turned out the weed was a cure for cancer – but the weed was nearly extinct so no one got the cure – do you believe in such a thing? Do you believe in anything?
Oh, never mind – I guess to you most beliefs are only fables –
(Throws both plants down – upset)
I had to be alone – I – I needed to hide – I had no choice – I had to get away – I couldn’t live like the others anymore –
Why do you want to know all this?
I said I don’t want to talk anymore! Leave me alone! I don’t have to tell you anything! I’m not a little kid.
(Bends over and buries her face in her hands)
(She sees something)
But I’m never alone – There’s always someone – Or something – Around me – Following me – They’re always near – Spirits – Ghosts – Shadows of the past – Ghosts have always been with me. Not by choice. At least not on my part. It just happens. I don’t want to believe… but they’ve forced themselves on me.
Perhaps the old Indian woman did it to me. I lived in her house too long as a child.
(She seems to see someone else)
Mother? Mother is that you?
(sighs – doctor won’t leave)
(she looks at the sky and smiles)
I know it’s getting dark but I don’t want to go back inside anymore – I don’t like my room – this is where I want to stay –
(Looks at doctor)
You can’t keep me caged any longer – The locked doors won’t hold me anymore – Did you know I can fly?
(She looks up at the night sky)
(Points to a star)
I wish I were that star over there – The little one next to Orion – that way I’d never be lonely – It’s so free out there – no one can touch you or hurt you – you can simply shine – People don’t like it when you shine – that’s why stars are up there and not down here – humans think the brightness is offensive –
(Pause – looks and smiles at the stars)
My mother is a star now – She always seemed like one to me – but stars don’t like it very well where they can’t be stars anymore –
(Pause – grows sad)
You found me, cast aside, lost and broken. You searched through the rubble to find the severed pieces of my life, and slowly fit them back together again.
Before you, I felt like I was dying. The panic consumed me and squeezed the life from my heart. But I didn’t care. When we are weighed down by the torture of hate, we don’t fear death. There was nothing to live for… until I met you.
You rebuilt me and fixed what was broken. You made me better and pieced me back together in new ways that improved me. With the right parts, I was reborn… and life felt real… and right for the first time.
by D. M. Larson
We live in a world where lies keep us quiet. Lies comfort us and allow us to go about our lives without worry. Why worry when we know nothing of the truth? Every wish is granted and this manufactured reality protects us from the unknown.
Don’t meddle in things you don’t understand. Be thankful for what you have. Don’t let whispers of the outside world cloud your judgement. It’s a wasteland outside these walls. These walls protect us and keep us safe. Our leaders watch over us. Always watching.
They know everything about us: our every need, our every desire, our fears, our thoughts. They know us better than we know ourselves. Don’t bother with fantasies of what was and what could be. That’s not important anymore. What’s important is that we have each other and we have everything we need to live. We don’t need anything else.
END OF MONOLOGUE