Valentine’s Day is not a holiday of love for everyone. For people who have met their twin souls and who are in the abandonment and release phase, it is a day when hope reigns when one waits for a message or invitation from the person who has taken his distance.
When the realization is finally there that this is not going to happen, the initially euphoric hope that the situation will really change can turn into despair with a maze of intense emotions and emotional pain that can also express itself physically. Then you can just get the feeling that you are no longer able to cope with life.
When twin souls are entangled with extremes of attraction and repulsion, the towering expectation of Valentine’s Day, the drama triangle (with roles as victim, perpetrator and savior) can result in the destruction triangle. The what? The destruction triangle. If the despair becomes so great that with the pain of rejection you can no longer live, you can fall into the roles of the suicide bomber, the destroyer or the infinite savior.
Here the savior is given the role of giving unconditional and free attention in an attempt to ease or stop the pain of the other, resulting in complete deflation. You want everything except that your partner is unhappy, in pain and as a result is depressed or commits suicide. That is not nothing. In addition to suicide, family dramas can also result.
The question is of course: how do you get out? How can it happen that people take this step?
Belinda and André
As if it had to be that way, I spoke yesterday with two deceased souls who were lovers and soul mates in life on earth: Belinda and André. When they were alive, they were crazy about each other, but also so opposed to how they stood in life. They could not do without and not with each other.
Periods of fat quarrels alternated with intimate moments in which they merged and the world around did not exist around them. That is how love was meant, they knew it for sure! In normal life and in their personality, however, they could not find each other. Belinda accused André of living too much from his head and experienced him as selfish and indifferent.
André accused Belinda that she was too emotional and that he never knew where he stood because her emotions flew in all directions. What was true now? In the same conversation she could claim two completely opposite things. Then he shrugged and he no longer knew. The only thing left for him was to do the stoic that he himself believed in. That made Belinda angry again, because he had the feeling that André was only doing what he wanted and then exclaimed that he was a selfish narcissist and that he did not take her life or her feelings into account.
They often had a fight in the car and the necessary threats were then expressed. Belinda, for example, once shouted to André that they should crash into a tree better, because then they would be rid of everything, if they couldn’t make each other happy. André then held his jaws tightly together, clutching the steering wheel and then giving an extra dot of gas, so much so that it made Belinda frightened and shouted that he should do it normally.
“You wanted this, right? You just said that, “ André exclaimed in despair, for he felt that whatever he tried, he could never do well with her. And he wanted to make her happy. He had not succeeded. He was ashamed of his failure. After their death, Belinda and André both took another dimension and they no longer saw each other.
Belinda told me she had never seen André again, and that had hurt her so much. She had fantasized about committing suicide together, hoping that they could find each other in the light of the other world. But it had not happened, she confused. And now she was so sorry for everything, because now she hadn’t got what she wanted and she didn’t have a body anymore. She could no longer redeem life with him or make up for it. She didn’t know how to proceed, the light seemed so far away and unreachable.
“I shouldn’t have had so many expectations,” she whispered to me. “It would have been better if I had not had any expectations regarding André. I should have accepted him the way he was. If only I had enjoyed and appreciated what he could give me. Because he did his best, I could see that. But it was never enough for me. I always wanted more, even though he was carrying me. “
I was the first to speak to Belinda and was curious about what it would have been like for André. I called him and we traveled together. “I am so sorry I never said out loud that I loved her,” he spoke with tears in his eyes, “And not that I always enjoyed her enthusiasm and zest for life.” When he said that, the tears also caught my eyes, because I could feel what he meant. So many misunderstandings in love because people are afraid to speak out about their feelings. “Is there anything else you want to say?” I asked him. “It is not true that I was insensitive, as Belinda claimed. I felt everything, including hers. I felt all her emotions. That was too much for me and then I pushed her away. But I didn’t want to be as emotional a wreck as they were, and then I did it my way. Take some distance and wait until the storm was over. “ He shrugs. “What else could I do?” He looked at me as if I had to have the answer. I feel his despair and helplessness.
“What would you like to give me for people in your position?” I asked him. He was silent for a moment and then came with the following advice: “Be gentle. Use kind words, because what you have said cannot be taken back. Use humor. And last: be controversial. “ When he said the latter, his eyes started to shine and I felt a cloud of joy appear in him.
Suddenly I doubt the meaning of the word contentionally. When I look it up on the internet, I come across different things, but especially that there are two opposite, incompatible opinions. Huh? However, my guides point to the following explanation that André means:
“When something is controversial, there is room for doubt or dispute. There is no clear truth or factual basis. “
Fight without solution
If there is no room for dispute, if all opinions, feelings and thoughts are on the table and we can hear them from each other, without wanting to change them together, then we can rest. Transformation comes from acceptance. Then we can enjoy the love and attraction that opposite visions can sometimes give. Love hides beneath the words and this is especially felt in the silence, if we dare to open our hearts to each other and to the other. Then love can flow again and the earthly ego can rest and relax. You are so beautifully different. so pretty different from me.
Now a day later I see that Belinda and André have found each other again. They have spoken to each other over and over again, that is clear. “I will never do such a stupid thing again,” André whispers to Belinda. “And I’ll never say anything stupid again,” Belinda replies “I should never have defied you like that.” They hug each other in my presence, and when they merge, they both dissolve in a cloud of golden light.
Tips for the victim
- Take responsibility for your own happiness. Do not sit and wait for the other person to make you happy. Find professional help and focus on the next step that is feasible.
- Keep the energy with yourself. Focus your attention on yourself and your own body. Breathe in silently through your heart and out to your lower abdomen. When you have come to rest and are with yourself, turn it around. Breathe in and concentrate on your pelvis. Bring the energy up with the inhalation through your back, and exhale through the front of your body down. In this way your life energy can start flowing again.
- Express your appreciation to the other. Take responsibility for your own emotion management. The book “The emotion encyclopedia by Vera Helleman can help you with this.
Tips for the prosecutor
- Make sure you extinguish your fire, in a different way than by attacking or accusing the other. Work out or run in nature. Go swimming or walking along the beach.
- Say what you experience. Speak from the I-form: what I see or notice is … what it does to me is … what I would like is … Dare to be vulnerable. Give words to your fears and feelings.
- Realize that the feelings and thoughts of another belong to that person. Let them be without wanting to change them. Disconnect the projection that you have to solve it. Give the other person the confidence that he or she can do it themselves. By staying present with love, many emotions dissolve.
Tips for the savior
- Feel what you want and can give without losing yourself. Self-care comes first. If you have given yourself empty for the benefit of the other, there is nothing left to give and you will perish together.
- Limit yourself and be clear and clear about this to the other person. Do not fall into the trap that you must save the life of the other person or be responsible for this. You have a shared responsibility. That means that giving and receiving may be in balance with each other. Do you only give? Then you are wrong and on your way to self-exhaustion.
- Open your energy system completely, if you have decided to be there for the other. Give the other person the confidence that he or she can do it themselves, and that everything can decide. Even suicide. By not going along with the fear or despair of the other person, but by staying with it, it can be completely there and the tide can turn.
- Enjoy the love when you are together. Celebrate Valentine’s Day alone today? Practice self love and give yourself everything you need.
- Nobody is obliged to give you what you need. Discover what you can do yourself, and feel where your willingness is to give the other person. Love is giving and receiving. Is this in balance?
- Practice non-violent communication and count to ten.
- Breathe in and out slowly for five seconds before you speak again. If you stop breathing, you will panic and create stress.
- Check how the other person feels. Ask for it. Do not take anything for granted because you feel or fill it that way. Before you know it, it is in your projections.