What does the Bible say about forgiving infidelity?
Among Christians of different churches and denominations, Catholic or not, there are many myths and false information regarding Christian marriage and its obligations. The Bible is very clear in this regard; the information that we can find there is today backed by psychological studies.
Therefore it is very interesting to make an analysis of the content of these passages, which will also be very useful for those who have relationship problems and must overcome or forgive infidelity regardless of whether they have religious beliefs or not.
Characteristics of Christian marriage:
Christian marriage is indissoluble; it is a life-long commitment that one makes towards one’s partner. It is a reciprocal promise to love, honor, respect, and care for yourself in all circumstances and situations until death do you part.
However, where is this reciprocal promise written in the Bible? Nowhere, because it is not God who marries people, it is the couple who decides to marry freely and spontaneously, God only blesses the relationship and expects each one according to the promise he made, to behave towards the other with much love, support and help each other in everything.
Never forget this: YOU DECIDED TO MARRY, it was your decision to commit yourself for life, nobody forced you, and God did not ask you, even until the apostle Paul recommends not to marry those who have the gift of continence.
The Christian man and woman cannot separate from their spouse; God orders it in this way so that the “non-believer” has the possibility of converting through their believing partner. However, the “non-believer” can separate when he wishes; it is his decision (1 Co. 7:15).
Here is one of the most erroneous and damaging interpretations for many Christian people who think that they should be tied for life to a man or a woman who has caused them harm.
Let’s establish something: If the “non-believer” abandons the Christian, the latter has nothing to do to avoid him; he cannot force him to stay by his side, right? Then it is free of responsibility, and therefore they are separated due to the abandonment of the first.
The thing is, we don’t understand what abandonment means. We tend to think that abandonment is physical separation, leaving the house and leaving the other person; But abandonment has many nuances, for example, I can emotionally abandon someone and continue to be with them, I withdraw my love, my attention, and practice indifference, that is also abandonment; If I hit my spouse, I am expressing a type of abandonment, since I have stopped protecting him from causing him harm, and if I am unfaithful, I have also abandoned him.
There are many Christian women who suffer with husbands who beat them, or who are unfaithful to them over and over, or who have a deplorable treatment of them. These Christian women think that they cannot separate from their husband because God does not allow it.
We must understand this: beatings, infidelity, verbal abuse, and effective indifference; all are synonymous with abandonment. Therefore, the Christian victim of these sufferings is free from his commitment if he so wishes; God does not compel anyone to stay in a torturous relationship.
Something must be made very clear: The Christian cannot repudiate his partner for any reason other than for reasons of fornication (Matt. 5:32), but according to what the apostle Paul says (1Co. 7:15), the non-Christian can repudiate his spouse whenever he wants, and this is the repudiation of which we have already spoken, bad treatment, infidelity, effective indifference.
That is, under these circumstances, the Christian has already been disowned, and therefore the separation or dissolution of the marriage bond has already taken place, and the Christian is now free to decide. What is God asking in this case? Forgive, try to save your marriage, but God also knows that sometimes the situation is insufferable and leaves you free to make a decision.
I explain it in another way: Many wonder what is the will of God for my marriage? God’s will has nothing to do with anyone’s marriage. God’s will always has to do with things that are eternal, and marriage is not eternal (Mt. 22:30). Of course, God is interested in your personal life and wants it to be the best possible, but the will of God, his purpose, his plan and main concern is the salvation of people.
So let’s ask the question again: What is God’s will for my marriage? The answer is: May you have peace, tranquility, strength, encouragement, and emotional readiness to worry about the plan of salvation; Is your current relationship allowing you this, or is it being a stumbling block? (Mat 6:33).
Implications of infidelity in Christian marriage:
Infidelity breaks the marriage bond since the illicit sexual relations unite us to that person (1Co 6:16) and God does not force anyone to remain married under so much feeling of pain and anguish that this event can cause him. Jesus clearly says that this cause is an immediate reason for divorce (Mt 5:32).
Forgiving infidelity in Christian marriage:
The forgiveness taught by Jesus is for all the offenses that the human being can do against us, and that includes marital infidelity, that is, the Christian must forgive infidelity.
This does not mean that you are obliged to continue living with the person who was unfaithful to you, infidelity dissolves the marriage bond and authorizes the Christian to separate if he so wishes, or you can decide to continue living with your spouse. In either case, you must forgive.
The Bible, as we have already seen, establishes the causes by which the marriage bond can be dissolved, however nowhere is the Christian ordered to separate for one reason or another; this is the absolute and total decision of each one facing their problems.
If you as a Christian were the victim of infidelity and believe that you have the strength to forgive and continue the relationship, there being a real and genuine repentance of your partner (Christian or not), it is advisable to forgive and start looking for marriage restoration. And emotional of both as fast as possible.
On the other hand, if you have been the victim of infidelity and you do not think you have the strength to overcome infidelity for various reasons: recidivism of the unfaithful partner, domestic violence or you have tried to continue for a few months or years, and you simply cannot bear it; do not feel obligated to continue the relationship. First there is your emotional stability.
God does not want by any point of view that you fall into a depressing whirlwind from which you can hardly get out without professional help, and that will diminish all your abilities and talents. However, after a separation, even if it is final, you must seek forgiveness for what they did to you; this means not harboring feelings of hatred, rancor, or revenge.
We are not recommending divorce in any way. In the face of infidelity, the Christian should try to do everything in his power to maintain his marriage, ensure the well-being of his partner and children, and, if necessary, resort to professional help. However, there are marital situations that, as we said, are insufferable, and it is there where it will be better to consider separation as a window of help.
When the Christian decides to forgive infidelity and continue the relationship, he is making the decision to carry across, but he must be clear that a cross is not only loaded by carrying it but is made with a purpose that has very important transcendental implications.
Jesus carrying his cross had a very clear and important purpose; he did not suffer just because he wanted to suffer, did he? If you see that this suffering leads you to nothing but only to more suffering, then it will be carrying a cross without any purpose. Remember that God wants your life to have a purpose, which must necessarily have eternal implications.
Now I invite you to spend some time reflecting on this topic:
- You are a believer review and consider the possibilities you have with your marriage.
- Remember that God is not to blame for what happened to you, the temptations of the flesh are very strong for all kinds of people, and God has surely protected you from something worse.
- Do not condemn your spouse, do not use sentences or condemnatory words; remember that what happened to him, in similar circumstances, could also happen to you. Do not throw the first stone (Jn. 8: 7)
- Remember the parable of the “Ungrateful Servant” (Mt. 18: 23-35) no matter how great an offense they comment against you; you must forgive because God first forgave you a much greater offense.
- Remember to seek and think about God’s will for your life, within which it may be to continue the relationship because of the importance behind it, or it may also be to end it because it has no future possibilities.
- Now talk to your spouse about this topic, explain the biblical panorama of marriage and its importance for you.
What is adultery?
Adultery is the Greek word Umoíqueia”. I am denoting the act of having intimate relations with another person outside of marriage.
In the word of God, this sin is called marital unfaithfulness. This is a sin of the flesh, which transgresses or violates the biblical principles established by God.
What is adultery, in the past and in the present, has been an epidemic in the body of Jesus and in the world. We have found that both well-known ministers and ministries have been destroyed because of it. We, as a church must speak and confront this problem effectively.
Verses from The Adultery
You shall not commit adultery.
1 Thessalonians 4: 7
For God has not called us to be unclean but to sanctification.
But he who commits adultery is lacking in understanding; Corrupts his soul who does it.
1 Corinthians 6: 9
Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not err; neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminates, nor those who lie with men,
If a man commits adultery with his neighbor’s wife, the adulterer and adulteress will inevitably be killed.
1 Corinthians 7: 2
but because of fornication, each have his own wife, and each have their own husband.
Jeremiah 3: 8
She saw that because the rebellious Israel had fornicated, I had dismissed her and given a letter of repudiation; But the rebellious Judah was not afraid of her sister, but she also went and fornicated.
but as an adulterous woman, who receives strangers instead of her husband.
Types of adultery
1. Adultery of the eyes
The desire of the eyes is one of the main roots of sins. For this reason, Job made a covenant with his eyes not to greedily see a virgin woman.
The amplified bible translation reads: “I have made a covenant (an agreement) in my eyes, how could I look lasciviously or greedily at a girl? Let us remember that men are tempted, first, through their eyes.
Therefore, they must have a conviction of sin, to make the decision to make a covenant to look at the woman in the correct way.
“I made an agreement with my eyes not to look at a young woman in a way that would make me want her.” Job 31.1
2. Adultery of the heart
According to the Word, it is not a sin to see a woman and admire her with purity in the heart; but, it is a sin to look at it to covet it. When this occurs, adultery has already been committed in the heart.
“Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt not commit adultery:” Matthew 5.27
3. Adultery of the mind
There are people who continually play with thoughts of illicit intimate; And if a person has this kind of intimate fantasy in his mind, it is as if he had committed the sin itself. The four types of adultery and fornication begin with a thought, which, if entertained, contaminates the heart, eyes, and body.
4. Adultery of the body
This type of sin is the consummation, the physical act of what entered through the eyes, and meditated. Intimate uniting with a person brings physical, emotional, spiritual bonds, and in addition, a transfer of spirits occurs.
This occurs because the moment they are together intimately, they become one flesh. In liberation words, that is called “soul ties.” This is why it is difficult for people who are committing the sin of fornication and adultery to separate.
They want to leave sin, but they cannot. Someone has to help them because they have fallen into the enemy’s snare. This is a sin that comes directly from the heart because of that; it is so polluting.
What is the attitude of the person who lives in adultery and fornication?
“No one will see me” is a phrase that is repeated in the mind of one who is an adulterer.
The person who commits what adultery and fornication is is blinded in his understanding by a spirit of deceit and lies; therefore, he does not understand the damage he causes to his family, his children, and above all, the kingdom of God.
The soul of the person is fragmenting into pieces, and the individual is losing his personality; because he links his soul with another person; then, pieces of the other person’s soul come with him, and pieces of his soul go with the other person
Therefore, he becomes an unstable person who does not own his own personality; his soul is corrupted. The adulterous person is one who is always emotionally unstable; she is double-minded; she is never satisfied; she feels incomplete, dissatisfied with herself. All this, because of adultery, fornication, and intimate promiscuity.
“No one will see me” is a phrase that is repeated in the mind of one who is an adulterer. Let us remember that although no one sees us here on earth, there is one who sees everything from heaven, and that is God.
“The eye of the adulterer watches for dusk; he thinks, ‘No eye will see me,’ and he keeps his face concealed.” Job 24.15
What to do with people who are living in adultery and fornication?
Depart from them?
“But actually, I wrote to you not to associate with any so-called brother if he is an immoral person, or covetous, or an idolater, or a reviler, or a drunkard, or a swindler– not even to eat with such a one. “, 1 Corinthians 5.10-13.
It means that you are going to reject the person who is in adultery, what this passage talks about, is not to allow sin, and to first denounce it to God in prayer to help this brother who has fallen. Hate sin, not the sinner. “God loves the sinner but hates sin.“
Our duty is to intercede for the brother and give him a word to separate himself from the sin of adultery and fornication.
When sin is committed continually
When sin is committed continually, the door opens for a demon to come and oppress the person. For every work of the flesh, there is a demon that torments every person who practices one of them continuously.
When an individual has reached lust, he has already lost the fear of God in his conscience. They are people who become rapists, child molesters, and other aberrations.
They enter the dirtiest and most violent intimate practices in order to satisfy their compulsive desire. Everything around them is destroyed, such as marriage and family. Only Jesus can free them from that slavery.
Why are there problems with intimate sins?
There are three main causes, which are the following:
- Generational curses: Generational curses are one of the most common causes; today, they are repetitive since they were also caused by their parents, grandparents, and relatives.
- Intimate oppressions of the past, such as trauma, incest, abuse committed by individuals close to the family.
- Por-nography on TV-radio and magazines. In today’s world, most of the media has a por-nographic ingredient in smaller or larger quantities, which affects our minds. But, it is on our side that we bring all captive thoughts to obedience to Christ.
What are the consequences of intimate promiscuity, such as fornication and adultery?
“But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman to lust after her has already committed adultery with her in his heart,” Matthew 5.28
The amplified translation says: “But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman a lot to covet her (with bad desires, having intimate fantasies in his mind with her) has already committed adultery with her in his heart”…
It is for this reason that por-nography, in any of its forms, should be avoided, because it can lead to practices of intimate promiscuity and all acts of filth, which is adultery, fornication is the product of the heart’s thought, for giving por-nography entrance.
Fornication. This is an intimate relationship between two people who are not married to each other; adultery is having an unlawful intimate relationship with a married person.
Technical fornication and adultery; This is the stimulation of the intimate organs as a lustful act; some people practice these impure acts as an alternative to not having children or commitments to God.
If the practice of adultery and fornication is not stopped, we will fall into the depths of intimate sins, which will take us to the following stages:
Filth is a moral stain of people who are given to lust and intimate debauchery.
“Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites ! because you are similar to whitewashed tombs, which on the outside are indeed beautiful, but inside are full of dead bones and all filth .” Matthew 23.27
2. la playfulness
Lasciviousness comes from the Greek word “aselgeia” which denotes excess, absence of restraint, indecency, dissolution. It is one of the evils that come from the heart.
“These, after losing all sensitivity, gave themselves up to debauchery to greedily commit all kinds of impurity. “Ephesians 4.19
“Aselgeia” is lust, all shameless indecency, unbridled lust, boundless depravity. “Commit sin in broad daylight with arrogance and contempt.”
As you can see, the severity of these sins is progressive. It is called the sin of lewdness when the person has reached such debauchery that he cannot stop committing these acts. It is in a total absence of restraint, lack of decency, it becomes dirty in every aspect.
Lewdness is not only committed in the intimate area but also with the mouth by eating too much, using drugs, and in any sin in general. No person begins to sin wildly, but it is a process where he gradually loses control and control over his thoughts, his body, his mouth, and his life.
Consequences of adultery
- 1. Adultery and fornication bring spiritual, physical, and emotional death.
- “If a man commits adultery with his neighbor’s wife, the adulterer and adulteress will inevitably be killed.” Leviticus 20.10
- 2. Adultery will bring temporary and eternal consequences.
- 3. It will bring consequences in the natural plane like diseases, poverty and misery; And also, it will bring spiritual consequences such as injuries, pain, brokenness and depression in the family.
- 4. He who commits adultery is foolish
- “Also, the one who commits adultery lacks good sense; He who does such corrupts his soul. “Proverbs 6.32
- 5. The person who commits adultery or any intimate promiscuity is blinded in his understanding by a spirit of deceit and lies; therefore, he does not understand the damage he causes to his family, his children, and above all, the kingdom of God.
- 6. The person who commits adultery corrupts his soul; The word corrupt, in the Hebrew language, gives the idea of fragmenting.
- 7. Adultery brings wounds and shame.
- “Wounds and shame you will find. and his affront will never be erased. “Proverbs 6.33
- 8. Divorce is one of the terrible consequences that makes room for opening the door of adultery.
- 9. He who commits adultery and fornication will not inherit the kingdom of God.
- “Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind, Nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners, shall inherit the kingdom of God.” Corinthians 6:9-10″
- Scripture clearly tells us that the person who commits adultery cannot inherit the kingdom of God unless he repents.
- 10. The adulterers and fornicators will be judged by God.
- “Honorable be in all marriage and the bed undefiled, but fornicators and adulterers will be judged by God.” (Hebrews 13:14)
- 11. Those who commit adultery may lose their family, as it is the only biblical reason to divorce.
Legal consequences of adultery
What is the main and legal cause of the divorce? “What is adultery and fornication “are the acts committed that make room for this decision. In the scriptures we have; Jesus answers about adultery in the Bible the following:
He said to them: Jesus replied, “Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for intimate immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.” Matthew 19: 8-9
Consequences of divorce on the grounds of adultery and fornication
The first people to suffer emotional injuries are those of our family. There are many children with pain in their hearts because mom or dad left with someone else. The consequences of this are devastating for children.
The children are the most affected in a divorce: most of them became involved in the drug, became part of the gangs or gangs, and others died.
Some of these children grow up with resentment, bitterness, and hatred against their parents. There are many of them who end up feeling rejection, loneliness, or using drugs; And the saddest thing is that, when they grow up, they also commit adultery in their marriages since this is a curse that is inherited from generation to generation.
Also, we find that there are many wounds that are planted in the heart of one of the spouses, such as lack of forgiveness, bitterness, and hatred, for treason and infidelity.
It causes shame on the family, shame on the gospel, shame, and disrepute in all areas of life. The affront of adultery is never erased again.
I hope I have helped you.