Playing with rejection at Tantric Flow

In the past months I have participated several times in the Tantric Flow meetings by Heino Jansen. It is an ideal way for me to recharge after a working week in dance, meeting, caressing and hugging. Heino has its own approach and a fixed basic structure. Recurring elements of his evenings are playfulness, enjoyment, silence, being together, being alone, feeling, daring to feel and indicate boundaries, but also following your desire and taking the risk of being rejected. The latter is the biggest challenge for me.


It seems to be a contradiction: dare to follow your desire with the risk that you will be rejected, or that you will cross the border with someone else. Those things happen, of course. The lesson of life lies in the fact that we can never really do well, but that we can discover and practice in this way how to deal with boundaries and desires in a playful way.

Inner woman

One of the elements that Heino uses on his evenings is to meet your inner man and your inner woman. The inner woman in me is soft, agile as water, she receives what is without judgment, she opens her heart full of love, she embraces herself and others with the same values. My inner wife is extremely well-developed. It is the basis of my work that transforms things. Who is received in who he or she really is, can flourish. It is not, of course.

The injured woman

Indeed, there is also an injured inner woman. She ensures that she protects her heart and does not dare to receive. It will go wrong again. She does not trust and seeks control to feel safe. She is used to doing things alone, because in the basics there was no one for her. The wounded inner woman shuts himself off when a man approaches her and does not allow him into her sanctuary. The inner woman forgets that in principle she rejects herself with this.

Inner man

The awakening of the free, inner man within me is a gift that I enjoy. Heino awakens this inner man in me even more in his evenings. The free, inner man dares to take initiative. He who does not dare, who does not win. He chooses his words and actions carefully, attuned to the longing that melts in him. The free inner man is not busy waiting for it to happen, but then focuses on all other aspects of life that need attention. The free inner man lives in the now, with attention to himself and the environment. He represents his desire and shows this clearly or feels. Playing with the free, inner man is one of the best aspects of the evening. See and be seen. Hand out and be hit. Only feeling blindfolded.

The wound of the soul

In many women, but also in men, the inner man is injured. Daring to feel what the real desire is can sometimes be too much. There are judgments that we carry from society or our ancestors. Karma also makes a major contribution in this regard. Because all initiatives that went wrong in the past and that have had harmful consequences for others, should never be taken again.

What if you were an SS in a previous life who killed or raped many people cold-blooded? What if you were a child soldier in your last past life who learned at a young age that nothing or no one can be trusted, and certainly not the adults? The job in your next life is to regain confidence in yourself and in humanity. You absolutely don’t want to hurt or hurt anyone anymore, so you move like water in an attempt to hit nobody.

No dare to receive

Daring to follow your desire, without knowing or being received, is a challenge for many. The feeling of being rejected is an emotion that nobody likes. If you take initiative without knowing whether the other person wants it, you take the risk that you will run into a border or that you will cross it. That can sometimes be emotional, especially if the other person does not like your initiative or even feels threatened. How do you deal with that? In Tantric Flow you get to know all aspects.

Receive yourself

Reading or feeling someone else’s body language is not always easy. If someone says stop or put a hand away, you know that you have approached or perhaps crossed a border. You can turn yourself upside down for your initiative and decisiveness, or take the blame for having followed your desire.

However, there is no right or wrong, there are only deeds, and consequences. The only thing you have to do is indicate what your intention was, and acknowledge the boundary of the other. Talking about what moves you and how you are received is the only option. So communicate. In Tantric Flow, we do this mainly non-verbally, so that your head, with all judgments about right and wrong, is put on the back burner.

That head!

However, we cannot get rid of our heads. By not following our desire and not taking the initiative, you reject yourself and your desire in advance. So self-rejection. That may change if you want more than you now experience in your life. Thoughts also arise when an experience has taken place. Then there is the judgment on ourselves and what we have done. How could I do this now? What did I do to the other person? I seemed crazy! How can I prevent this next time? How can I do differently next time? It is redefining safety from control.

We see that everywhere in society with our countless rules. Tantric Flow shows you the limitations of wanting to control everything and teaches you to deal with emotions such as rejection and desire in a different way.


Fortunately there is also the inner woman. It shows us the way from compassion and to self-compassion. We can go inside to reflect. We may discover what our blind spot might be and then the inner woman says: but you did try. You have followed your desire and I admire you for the courage you have shown. Moreover, there is a gift for the other person to learn to feel again what his or her wishes, limits and desires are and to practice with this. There is also nothing wrong with being hit and daring to show your emotions!

The free child

If we can combine all those elements and if we can recognize that in principle we can never do well because perfection does not exist, then the playground is full of possibilities. Then we can enjoy the versatility that being human offers us. Then we are able to see all the emotions we experience as direction indicators that lead us further on our path. Then there is no judgment on what we desire, think or feel.

Then there is not even a judgment about judgment because judgment is also part of being human. Anyone who thinks that enlightenment really exists will be disappointed. Being human is experiencing and embodying your soul. You do that by feeling and acknowledging that you are human. With all the light and all the darkness, the black or white and everything in between, a multitude of colors. I wish you a lot of pleasure in life and love.

PS Do you want to experience the Tantric Flow evenings by Heino Jansen, play along, rediscover yourself and enjoy? You can read more about it here.

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