Caucasus mountains in “The Bible”?
Have you seen Kilian Jornet? Uncle has climbed Everest twice in six days. I am going to have to make mountains higher or you will end up taking my creation by stoning What times those when any small mountain filled you with respect and admiration! The Greek gods lived on Olympus, and on Mount Fuji the earthly world was separated from the spiritual. In my religion we are not different. If you look, the most important things in the Bible happen on a hill. Today I bring you the mountainous ranking of the Bible:
7. Monte Ararat.
According to the Bible it is the mountain where Noah’s Ark ran aground. It was the climax to that beautiful story in which I decided to exterminate all humanity, children included, and save the ticks. I am so.
6. Mount Moriah.
It is the mountain on which I decided to spend that joke on Abraham. Yes, when I ordered him to kill his own son. And uncle goes and hears me! Luckily I stopped him on time, the guy was crazy. They say that the three great religions, Islam, Judaism and Christianity descend from Abraham, a guy who heard voices telling him to kill his son. That explains the entire later history of mankind.
5. Mount Sinai.
It is the mountain where I gave Moses the Commandments. I had to give them to them twice because at first they stamped them on the ground and broke them. A pity, because the Bible says they were written in my handwriting. I dictated the second tables, which I was already tired of writing (a guy who only worked for six days speaks to you), so you stayed without knowing if it is true that God writes straight with crooked lines.
4. Monte Nebo.
From its top I showed Moses the Promised Land. I let her see it but I didn’t let her in, and that the poor man had been forty years leading my Chosen People in his search. And do you know why I punished him so cruelly? Because once he struck a rock twice with his magic staff instead of one. God is called once, twice it is annoying!
3. Mount Tabor.
There I put on long shots, I transfigured myself. It was a day that I went up with my best colleagues, Pedro, Santiago and Juan, and I don’t know what they would smoke up there, but they say that they suddenly saw me shining and that Moses and Elijah came down from heaven to chat for a while.
2. The mountain where I gave the sermon.
It was my famous “Sermon on the Mount”. Some say that I pronounced it on a plain, but the Bible calls it “from the mountain” to give it more category. In it I enunciated my famous Beatitudes, where I explained that it was great to be humble and poor. The powerful clapped with their ears, they had the flock flooded. And so on until today.
1. Mount Calvary.
And of course, I finished my days on another mountain. Yes, that’s where they crucified me. Leave one the carpentry because he is fed up and ends up stuck in a tree! Of course, on a hill, and with views.